god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
