She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You ruined the universe
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
