god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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