i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
so much tequila, so little girl.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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