found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
