So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
