He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
