party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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