I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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