I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
