I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
