Where did you get a picture of my penis
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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