We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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