I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
