I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
