I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am available for nakedness
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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