Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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