and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
