She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
