Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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