At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
