Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
