chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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