I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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