Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
