Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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