Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
