Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Can you bring me the toilet please
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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