I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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