Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Someone signed my nipple.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
