Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
