They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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