I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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