try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
