I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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