I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
