he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
