It's Friday. Sex?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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