So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
