walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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