Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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