and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
