walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
