What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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