i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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