Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
