quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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