I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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