even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
