guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
