Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
