so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You pole danced in your parka.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
