normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
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