I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
