An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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