Rock
Scissors
Fuck
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
