btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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