..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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