no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
