Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
